Teach Your Children Well

By Robert A. Whelan (Sandan - Shodokan, MA)

"The nail that sticks up is pounded down!" So the proverb goes. It is a perspective of a homogeneous culture that emphasizes being a good group member who makes sure that nothing is done to draw attention to oneself. This is not the type of saying generated by a society that prizes individuality and uniqueness.

Yet diversity and difference are celebrated in contemporary American culture where each individual need is accommodated as much as possible. We are a 'melting pot' that seeks inclusion. Hospital waiting rooms have walls devoted to instructions listed in multiple languages. Public school students have a right to individualized educational plans that address their personal needs. Even private places and spaces available to the community are expected to be accessible to all despite any limit to their physical abilities.

So what happens when these two seemingly contradictory attitudes meet? What if they meet (or perhaps collide!) in your children's Aikido class? How might an instructor manage a child with obvious differences in the context of a group activity that also encourages order and structure?

First, it might be beneficial for the instructor to contemplate his/her personal values and beliefs. This self-examination will help identify teaching style as well as potential strengths and weaknesses. It's important to acknowledge the fact that ultimately what is 'learned' is the attitude of the teacher! What a teacher expects, how a teacher responds, who is complimented, when a teacher intervenes; these are the manifestations of a teacher's ideals and young students will emulate them.

Approaches to teaching martial arts typically fall somewhere along a continuum between two extremes.

One position might be that the uncompromising demands of martial arts training will be self-correcting. Anyone who can't make the grade will be 'washed out'; thus leaving the elite individuals whom will manifest themselves over time. In this way high standards will be maintained and the quality of the practitioners will be exceptional.

The counter point is that martial arts are good for everybody and should be available to everyone. Thus martial arts should be practiced by as many as possible to the best of their individual ability. It follows that promotions will be based on personal progress and progress is measured against a student's individual skill set. A potential outcome of this model is that there could be significant variability between abilities of students of the same rank. Over time the general level of training standards could be diluted.

A strength of the first approach might be an emotional toughening which can prepare a child for the painful demands of life. But weaknesses might include causing unnecessary anxiety and engendering a sense of failure or incompetence that could undermine self-confidence.

Although the second approach seems 'kinder' and more nurturing it might belie underlying dangers! It risks misleading students into believing that they possess skills, which in reality they don't. To discover this fact in the midst of a crisis is not just demoralizing and potentially perilous, it might lead to enduring cynicism and mistrust.

A teacher who is committed to an 'elitist' approach may come across as stern and unyielding, developing students who may be rigid and uncompromising. A teacher who offers an 'inclusion' approach may be seen as unrealistic and indulgent, developing students who avoid demanding the best from themselves. This style might rob them of an opportunity to experience the meaningful satisfaction that comes from the pursuit of excellence.

Ultimately a centered and balanced approach, which incorporates aspects of both perspectives, would seem best. Setting 'realistic expectations' would be the key. But remember this must definitely include 'expectations'. Persistence, stamina and strength for striving should be encouraged. These qualities are hallmarks of a true martial artist. To not place some demand on a student is actually a sign of disrespect. It implies weakness, inability, and incompetence. It often results in an anxious child who lacks self-confidence.

The rule of thumb would be to apply an inverse relationship between age and demand. In most instances this would mean the younger the child the lower the demand. Children are NOT 'little adults'. They have true physical and intellectual limits.

Neurological development varies considerably with age as well as between individuals. This pattern of development has critical implications for coordination and concentration. These limits can be experienced and perceived by children. It is quite possible that a child could be keenly aware that s/he cannot adequately copy a movement while at the same time s/he would be completely unaware that the requirement is physically impossible for them. It's up to adults to know what is truly 'realistic'.

Physically their body proportions are different. Major examples include the relationship between arm length and head size. A young child probably cannot reach over his/her head and touch the top of the opposite ear (see photo). This fact has implications for performance. Take ukemi for example, it is substantially harder for a young one to rollout. They are far more likely to turn sideways in their attempts. This 'error' is actually a safety factor! To insist on exact 'adult' form is to significantly risk breaking the collarbone because of how the shoulder would impact the mat.

Sean, at 3 years old, can only reach halfway over the top of his head. In some rural areas of the world where there are no birth records children are determined to be the correct age for school - around 6 - when they can actually reach completely over their head and touch the ear on the opposite side of the reaching arm.

There are other skeletal issues to be considered as well. By their very nature Aikido techniques often require spiral torque at joints. This is also the point at which children's bones have 'growth buds'. Damage or stress to these locations can result in significant complications to healthy orthopedic development.

Psychological differences also impact training and understanding. Younger children think very concretely. It may be hard for them to understand that techniques practiced routinely in class should never actually be used outside the dojo. It might also be difficult, if not impossible, for them to look at things from another's point of view. Even if they have that capacity it may remain impossible for them to simultaneously understand a situation from their own and another's point of view.

It is also difficult for children to differentiate between 'irony' and 'criticism'. They might not understand that a comment 'was only a joke' and they may be clueless to more abstract or 'sophisticated' interpretations. In addition by their very nature they tend to be more impulsive and obviously lack the life experience that reinforces patience and frustration tolerance.

One pedagogical principle that applies universally to all teaching styles is that of developing 'successive approximations' of the final outcome. When teaching children this literally means 'baby steps'! An experienced and accomplished instructor thinks of the ultimate goal and then breaks it down into smaller more easily achievable units. In this way the child's behavior is 'shaped' and intermediate successes maintain motivation and build confidence. This is the underlying factor for the development of a colored belt system, which was originally devised to encourage middle school students in the Japanese education system.

A second principle is that of positive reinforcement. The application of this rule is the source of some debate related to a teacher's orientation. 'Elitist' oriented instructors may under utilize this tactic whereas an 'inclusion' oriented instructor may never utilize any other response. The former believes that he has to 'toughen' his students whereas the latter may be using 'too much of a good thing'. Neither condition seems optimal.

Positive reinforcement means that the desired behavior is rewarded. In this way the specifically chosen characteristic is encouraged to continue in much the same way that a plant grows toward sunlight. Not only does this method maintain motivation but also it has been scientifically demonstrated to be more efficient and effective. This is because positive reinforcement increases the precise behavior desired. When punishment or negative reinforcement (they're actually different!) is implemented more general behaviors may be extinguished, not just the undesirable one. An example might be that the criticism directed at correcting an aspect of a technique may result in the student avoiding the practice of the technique all together. "I can't do that one," might be the response rather than, "I can change how I do it."

As a child grows the need to rise to a challenge increases in importance. At a certain age a confident student will seek out a quest. More mature cultures recognize the need for a 'rite of passage'. In this instance the timing is right for an emotional 'tempering'. Meeting stern and firm expectations can be extremely empowering and signify an acceptance and successful preparation for the harshness of the 'real world'.

As Mark Twain said, "If teaching were just telling then we'd all be so smart we couldn't stand up!" Remember the art that is the source of your practice as well as the content of your instruction. Take the challenge of a difficult or unusual student as a gift and 'Harmonize with the attack'! Tenkan and examine the situation from the child's point of view. Find a way to be personable but don't take resistance personally. Each student is another lifetime and another universe. For a teacher it's another chance to grow and learn, another opportunity to develop and foster 'beginner's mind'.

About the Author: Robert A. Whelan is a school psychologist and mental health counselor who has been educating and counseling children from nursery school through high school for more than 30 years. He is a san dan in Aikido and has been the chief instructor of the children's Aikido and Judo program at Shodokan Dojo in Salem, MA since 1980. His martial arts group therapy programs have received national recognition and have been implemented through pediatric hospital and mental health clinics.