It Just Never Stops

James Shell (Baltimore Aikikai)
jshell@Harford.edu

A feeling may never be felt the same way twice. If one thousand tress drop one thousand leaves, no two will fall to earth the same way. An action or word spoken twice will not mean the same; it may come close, but it will never be the same.

I remember the time and place and the hour I made a throw that was the best throw I have ever made. It was smooth, without effort, and my practice partner ended up a good distance away. The nice woman I was working with made the comment that it felt as if I had not even touched her. My next action of course was to try to repeat this feat and gain the same feeling of bliss. It took me a very long time to stop feeling mad at myself for not being able to do it again. True, I came close, but it only made me more upset to get that close but no further.

As the years have gone by, I have accepted the fact that I may or may not ever do that "best throw" again. There is the other side of the coin, and this is a lesson well worth learning...the worst throw I have ever done will never be repeated either. I have come close but never succeeded.

I have seen, heard, and experienced practice partners and instructors joke about how a move was done or how a mistake happened. This was always done in the sprit of fun, and knowing that at any time we could all be on the receiving end of the same joke.

However, when I hear what sounds like serious criticisms, it is generally coming from an individual about themself. When you mess up and feel like proclaiming it to the people around you, you feel free. Mistakes happen all the time, they never stop. I have said before that class is held in a practice hall not a perfect hall. What you should not do is blame yourself for being stupid, dumb, or a failure. If you are practicing Aikido you are neither stupid, dumb, nor a failure. Try looking at the people sitting on the couch getting fat watching television and telling you that you are wasting your time taking self-defense.

I have talked to people who stopped Aikido practice because they felt they could not do a move or throw well enough. To these people, I say "welcome to a very large club". If you ever get to the point where you think your practice is good enough, I suggest you continue your practice and the mistakes and rough spots will resurface. True, they will be a better class of mistakes, but they will be there.

Right and wrong, good and bad, success and failure, never stop. That makes me glad because I want to have something to continually work towards.

I asked a remarkable instructor many years ago about a move that I felt I could just not get right. His single word answer was "practice". That has stayed with me every since: I cannot seem to get it out of my head. At age seventy I suspect his answer would still be the same and, why not, as it is still a very good answer.

You can be pleased when you do it right because you get to try it again; you can be pleased when you do it wrong because you get to try it again. It just never stops.

Accept your successes and the mistakes you make along the way, both are no more than cobble stones in the same road.